Amongst all the joy and happiness, balloons, flowers and champagne please spare a thought for the many women who won’t be celebrating this Sunday. The women who can’t have children – for countless reasons. The women who have had the chance to become a Mother taken away from them by illness or because of the need to have a hysterectomy due to cancer, or various other reasons.
There are many of our Peach Sisters who won’t be celebrating this Sunday. They will stay off social media and probably even stay at home and turn the phone off. They will sit and think of the “what if's” – and maybe even shed a few tears. Even those who may have a child of their own but lost the chance to add to their family can find the day difficult.
It is so hard to explain to people who have not been affected by infertility and involuntary childlessness just how much a day like Mother’s Day can affect us emotionally and psychologically. When I was diagnosed with womb cancer at the age of 46 I had already accepted the fact that having a child was never going to happen and although it still hurt, it had been pushed to the back of my mind. However, knowing I needed a hysterectomy bought all the feelings flooding back. Although at 46 having a child was out of the question, it felt that insult was being added to injury - with my womb being removed it felt like it was the final nail in the coffin.
I asked to see a counsellor because I felt I needed to talk to someone about how I was feeling but an appointment wasn’t available and she actually came to see me a week after I came out of hospital which by then was a complete waste of time as far as I was concerned.
Since the hysterectomy and the subsequent treatment life has become hard as I struggle to deal with all the side effects. Losing my own Mom just over 4 years ago was another kick in the teeth and every year at this time of year I struggle to cope emotionally as her Birthday is also around the same time as Mother’s Day . I have no Mom to buy flowers for or make a card for. No Mom to phone on Sunday morning and tell her that I loved her.
Now at 54 I am beginning to feel an extra layer to the sadness and that’s the fact that, having not had children of my own, I’m never going to have the chance to have someone call me Granny or Nan; I think I would have preferred Nan to be honest!!
I have no grandchildren to spoil; no Nanna hugs; no one to leave old photos and teddy bears too. That hurts more than anything to be honest. More than not being a Mom, not being a Grandmother hurts so much more.
If you still have your Mom and possibly even your Grandmother, tell them you love them – today and every day.
If you wanted so much to be a Mom and, for whatever reason it didn’t happen, please know that I know how you feel, and so do many other women. We will all shed a tear on Sunday and then we’ll put on our big girls knickers and adjust our crown and step out and face the world like the amazing women we are.