"I was 41 when I was told. Never heard of it till then. One morning I was having what felt like contractions at 6.50am. My daughter went up to my friends house and she came down. She phoned for an ambulance straight away. It was horrible; I didn't know what was going on.
I was rushed up to the hospital then about an hour later I started bleeding through everything. I was pretty much scared. I was transfered to another hospital and was given painkillers. I was kept in for ten days; went for allsorts of different scans. I can remember going for one, all of a sudden I started bleeding. It come through everything. I was so embarrassed. I was scared, didn't know what was happening.
I'll never forget that after I had all these scans, things started to calm down. I can remember the doctor saying that I was a bit over-weight but things were ok. I felt as if I was wasting their time. They gave me painkillers to go home with and told me that l would get a letter in a couple of weeks, but things looked fine to him. I felt scared; I knew something wasnt right. I just had a gut feeling something wasnt right.
My appointment soon came through. Never forget it; it was for 31 January - my daughters birthday. I went on my own. I was called in and they asked me if I had someone with me. I said and then they told me I had womb cancer.
I just sat there. I said I had never heard of it and then it hit me. I had tears in my eyes. I cant remember much after that. I can remember them giving me a card for the Friday appointment; I can remember sitting on the bus with tears down my face.
The bus journey home was horrible knowing I had to tell my mum. My dad had died 4 years previously of cancer. I was dreading telling her but had to hold it together for her so I told her. She never said much and to be honest I couldnt understand it myself much.
I felt frightened and scared with no one to talk to; I felt so alone but yet it was my daughters birthday so I had to act normal. We sang "Happy Birthday" and cut the cake but I couldn't cope anymore. I started crying and left the room.
I knew it was the wrong time but I told my kids then. My boy asked me if was I going to die; my daughter was crying. I couldn't answer their questions. I had no one to talk too; no one to listen too. I felt so alone.
I had my doctors gynaecology appointment on the Friday. I went alone because I felt no one would understand so I keep it all in. He told me I needed a radical hysterectomy as soon as possible. To be honest he was talking but I couldn't understand it all. The operation was planned for April and this was the beginning of February.
I was rushed in half way through February with heavy bleeding. I was kept in for 8 days. Everything settled down after a few days again. I saw my consultant, he was good and the nurse. I had more blood tests, you name it I had it.
I couldn't keep antibiotics in so drip it was but my veins started closing; even had them in my foot. I must admit it was very painful but they would close after a while but soon it settled down again.
When the time came for my op I can remember that I never slept the day before. I was scared and had no one to talk to. I can remember going down to theatre thinking I was going to die. As horrible as it sounds I couldnt carry on with the pain. The next thing I knew I was back in the ward, still groggy cant remember much!
After 2 days of just lying there I needed fresh air so me trying to be clever said to my mate who had come to visit me to get a wheel chair cause I couldnt walk far. So she got one and I went out for some fresh air. I couldn't handle it in the ward; they were full of elderly people.
After 9 days I came home. I still couldnt talk about anything. I had to get back on my feet; my kids needed me. However, I over did it and after a week the doctor wasnt happy at all.
I had no one; didnt know nothing about anything. I had everything out then flushes came and yet I couldnt take anything for them. I felt so isolated; who would listen; who would know how I felt? Why me?
Everything was going through my mind and still I put a block up - thought it was easier that way. After about 7 weeks, I didn't feel right so my mate took me down the doctors. That's when I collapsed. I was sick and dizzy. I managed to get up with help and went to see the doc. I collapsed again and this time they called the ambulance and I was rushed in to hospital. Turns out I had an infection. I was put back on a drip for ten days.
My gynaecologist came and said I had a very bad infection so was put on anti biotics and anti sickness tablets. I felt horrible but they eventually gave me the all clear.
I was happy yet it was a strange feeling; I've always put on a front because it was easier. But now I live with the fear it will come back. I'm scared everyday yet can't talk to anyone cause if I do I know I will break down.
I'm luckier than most but deep down im angry and frightened."
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xx Kaz xx
UPDATE TO THIS STORY:
I've been having a few problems for a while - need to have more biopsy done but I am scared. What if it's back but not scared either! I've had to keep this all in. I go to appointments on my own trying to be brave I'm not feeling so frightened but can't show it.
There are two people I miss with all my heart; my dad and one special person who I miss so much. Why did it have to happen? I feel as if it's my fault; I'd never heard of it till I was told. It's been a scary few years yet to this day I scared of "What ifs" I've said no more appointments cause I'm afraid of knowing yet can't tell anyone how I feel. I'm in bits writing this; there should be more ladies made aware of this as I've never heard of this since I was told. It's like as if I'm living on a time bomb waiting; it's horrible. I'm scared yet can't tell anyone how I really feel.